Does Age.. Truly Matter?

Harry Potter mug - The Marauder’s Map

People have increasingly been much more about face value, not that we weren’t somehow shallow growing up a few years back, but without the internet; fb, twitter, my space, instagram, snap chat, whatsapp.. countless more.. aaaaand a pandemic to make our lives even more virtual, today makes it that much easier for us to be focused on looks.. and it’s old news. A lot of these platforms and retailers have shifted the emphasis towards a beautiful ‘but healthy’ approach as we move away from a size zero to celebrate our less-than-airbrushed selves but we look a certain way and continue to be judged for it.

So.. does age actually matter where it comes to appearances or a value? Being a woman that looks younger than I am has really allowed me quite an interesting perspective on this. Either people have ‘looked’ at me and dismissed me for being ‘too young to understand’ only for me to watch their surprise reaction when I reply to what they were talking about in a manner that would give away a few years of experience & memories. I must admit, there’s always been a great sense of satisfaction at the turn of events and when they’ve asked me, ‘wait!?.. How old are you?’. I’ve been treated like a child, chastised because people have just plain forgotten how old I actually am. To the other extreme when they find out my age, surprise there, to then feel like I, ‘couldn’t possibly understand’ or fit in to a younger demographic or have similar interests. Not so. To a whole new level of ‘like attracts like?’, being hit on by a guy less than half my age at a bar.. so, ‘she’s still got it’ springs to mind.

For the record, I do NOT look that young that I get asked for ID. I just don’t wear a lot of makeup, I have a slim build, my interests are not dissimilar to that of a 25yr old me and it helps I’m not particularly that tall! My point is, that in the highs and lows of ageism I’ve experienced, it has actually mattered in a non-legal way how old I was, to others, as to whether I would ‘fit in’ to a particular situation. Like a snap judgement & jury of everything that is quintessential to me.. just by how I looked at that particular moment.. it does vary a lot based on what I was wearing.. worst case scenario was when I couldn’t buy champagne for new years because I plain didn’t have ID🙄. Being judged by our looks is a broad topic that umbrellas so many other social issues not related to age. Having a Brazilian passport has landed me several airport full body pats, being detained, having my bags checked. Security asked ‘Brazilian?’.. I nodded.. ‘This way please’. I normally would have been so excited for special treatment.. this was based on racism, not ageism.. but the icky isms; sexism, racism, ageism.. surely these are all things that should never have and certainly should not exist today.

I reflect on a conversation I had with my grandmother about ageing several years ago. She said then, ‘If we never aged physically, being young wouldn't matter and relationships would be different’. She continued, ‘a young man might then find an older woman more interesting and I’m not sure they would choose someone of their age or younger!’ At the time I was 18 and thought it a curious idea. The movie ‘In Time’ with Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde broaches the subject.. what if people stop ageing at 25? Mothers and grandmothers and great grandparents would all look the same.. in their 20’s.. then levelling out the importance of looks or age and brings substance into the foreground. The who you are and what you have to say trumps age preconceptions. I can’t say I fully agreed with my grandmother then as I thought, ‘you’d know if someone was too serious, mature or immature!’ and yes that is likely after a conversation or a few were had, but you know what, Vó Elisa, you were so right and she said this, years before the movie was out!

Despite all the reflection on age, most of my friends happen to be in their 20’s, but in truth, it has never crossed my mind how old they are, or I am, when I’m in their company. Truly. It does not devalue our relationship in the slightest and the only time age comes up is when talking about things going on in our lives like a day-to-day routine, studying or work, marriage, dating, wanting to travel but more as a form of interest in each other’s goals in life, always in a supportive practical sort of way. I’ve been lucky that the people in my life have been so loving and caring and have seen me for who I am. That’s all that matters, truly, and I often find my friends sometimes stopping, ‘I keep forgetting, Cib, how old you are!’ which is probably the biggest compliment I could ever receive.

I have never treated anyone any differently, providing there is mutual respect. Everyone I meet is a fresh start. I withhold judgement and do not care if they are poor, famous, religious, from a different part of the world, have different coloured skin to me or are older or younger than me. I’d like to think I listen to what everyone has to say with the same openness and humility I’d show when meeting my cousins friends. The truth is, people utterly fascinate me! All the different cultures and everything that makes each of you absolutely unique! A full human finger print.. not just for your digits.

We all should know by now, as I’m sure our ears have listened to this being reiterated many times, that we should never judge a book by its cover and treat everyone with equal respect or as the saying goes, ‘treat others as you would want to be treated’.. but do we? Do you? Have we developed tinted glasses to certain situations in our lives where we assume people are, or act, in a particular way based on our previous skewered experiences? It’s hard to say. BLM (Black Lives Matter) movement has highlighted very clearly that many of us have been living with racial tinted glasses.. but speaking up, talking, understanding, supporting and vibing with love in everything is key for change. Equality is a big & broad topic here so all we can do is listen to each other with an open heart and empathy. A complete stranger that may happen to be sitting on the same park bench may just give you the best advice or insight of your life!. so rather than wonder how someone like that could offer you any advice.. why not simply listen.

But mostly in all this, the main message I could ever give, is to keep that child-like wonder, curiosity and interest in everything you do!.. you are never too young or too old for anything.. so just enjoy the ride and make the most of it!

This morning, I’m starting my day as I always do, wiggling and spidermaning in my bathroom while brushing my teeth to a collab, Ed Sheeran & Mugeez, ‘Boa Me’ my absolute favourite!! And for those judgy peeps out there.. don’t! Join in! In a few years time, I’ll say, ‘Old, but still lit!’

Have a wonderful Friday,

Love & Light☀️