Does childless equate to unhappiness?

A friend asked me recently if I ever regretted not having children.

A genuine question sprung from a friends own curiosity of whether they wanted to have kids or not.

My answer to them was that they needed to decide this for themselves, that no one I know who have had children have ever ever said they regretted it for even a moment, that it is also a life-style choice; family outings or solo travel, that it's based on where you are financially, relationship-wise and whether you want to go at it alone, based on whether you are old enough to want more of your independence or young enough to always have that child-like wonder and energy for it, whether you have help from your family/friends.. in short.. there are a million questions that spring up to confuse us, make us weigh and outweigh decisions.. and yet humanity isn't dwindling and it's ever growing population that lives longer and longer years thanks to technology, tells us that it is in our nature as animals.

In short, I gave them more questions to help search for an answer within.. it is far too individual to answer. But in reality where we are in our age matters.. not on a biological level but on an emotional maturity level, maybe a physical level, on an energetic level too. Don't we all change constantly? From your 20's to your 30's to your 40's? Having a child in each of those decades would be a different experience.

For me, I can't feel I am missing something I've never had. Looking after my friends children makes me more resolved that I've made the right choice for me, as utterly magnificent and beautiful as they all are! I am your typical childless person who loves seeing them and then giving them back to their parents.

At 24 I had more iinclination to have a family but double that to the present, along with medical deterents, I'm not as fussed. Maybe it's an age thing, maybe it's not really something I've always pined for in my life, maybe it's because we none of us women (I speak for myself mostly here) are actually ever ready to have children! We aren't born with babies growing in us, we are taught about families from an early age but are we any of us truly prepared for motherhood? How could we be ready for something so utterly transforming as pregnancy, childbirth, adoption.. surely it is much harder work, very time consuming, unexpected costs and becomes a much more laborious and longer process than we anticipated it would be.

On a physical level I'm aware of how changes to our physical appearance can really affect us greatly internally. Would you be able to know what it actually feels like without first hand experience!?.. some friends have called pregnancy like having an alien inside them while others feel it's a little ball of baby wonder! Individuality at its best!

Do I feel like I'm missing out?.. still the question.. maybe a little?. More so as I get older knowing I won't have the same love and care that me and my brother bestow on our beautiful parents as they gave us while growing up, to be reciprocated as I get older. To know that sometime in the future I might be lonely as I get older especially as both me and my brother haven't got kids and although we will age together and probably moan about high cholesterol or blood pressure and the creaks in our bodies, it is the inevitable where, at the very least, he hopefully will outlive me and beyond! It feels a somewhat somber thought which relates more to life and mortality related to having children.

Where I am now in my life.. if I live another 30 years I'll be 80.. and in another 40 years I'll be 90.. but realistically how much of that will I be able to travel, be adventurous and move around the world in long haul flights and long city breaks? How about the wonderful walks and hikes I love to do exploring nature trails and mountains? The urgency is to do and see as much as I possibly can before my health catches up to me and curbs some of that spontaneous attitude and world curiosity I still have.

I think not having children has provided me with space to indulge in self-discovery and throwing my hand, without even batting an eye, at quick life changes, picking up new hobbies and excitedly seeing where they take me. I haven't even scratched the surface of what I want to do.. but I am wholeheartedly excited for today and what I'll be learning, for tomorrow for all the new adventures it will bring and for a future having lived a happy and fulfilling life, albeit with my family and my friends.. childless but so very excited like a youth!

I have zero regrets, though, of anything, good or bad, that has happened to me in my life and wouldn't change a single thing. Not one. They all have gotten me to the present, grown me plenty and taught me that life is too short to regret anything. It was certainly made for grabbing the bull by the horns, go with love and happiness and wish for all that you dream of to come true.. with or without children.

At present, I have started learning Korean and am travelling to Seoul next year, 2025.. and performing in Shakespeare & musicals in between..

Just settle for happy

When you're 90 years old what will you want to look back at your life and see in it. Just settle for happy. That's all we need to do.. and the rest will just manifest.

Love&Light☀️